brace position

At any mention of my ex girlfriend my current girlfriend gets in the brace position and gently rocks back and forth with her arms crossed over her chest. She also responds similarly when I wear any kind of hat - obviously both things so distasteful to her she is reduced to implicit non-verbal cues to stop them.

what I did when the scenesters were dancing

Eat burgers and chips, drink fizzy with my babe in a dark deserted creepy street in my wheels overlooking a body of water that was really just a flooded park.

And you know what. I've never been so satisfied - on most levels (oh, except the family of dysfunction, the absence of boots and the 3 hour uncontrollable crying session I had in front of Westmead Hospital's deputy director of Social Work on Thursday after I was abused on the phone) in my whole life.

Oh for those who perhaps wonder - why the excitement you goose, seriously it's just a burger. Some context for this revelation - which has, of course, been realised many times over.

About this time last year I was dumped from barcelona on the internet and I thought oh my god this is the most fucked thing anyone can ever do to another human you fucked idiot. Despite this logic I spent much too long being sad for the loss of something that, in hindsight, was probably as bad for me as eating a bowl of shit everyday for breakfast.

And now I just eat rice porridge with poached pears for my breakfast. And it tastes real nice.

Oh no!

RIP LTLYM
Thanks for making me realise that encouraging banners really can be encouraging.

OMG HOW FUCKED IS THIS?!

Ok so it's all well and good to have a little jive to some music when you're small and full of beans right? I did it all the time as a kid to the opening theme of sesame street and occasionally when I was allowed the luxury of staying up to watch endless hours of gumby videos. But when you can thrust your hips like these kids can before you can even go to the toilet by yourself AND ALSO HAVE PARENTS WHO FILM and THEN UPLOAD FOR THE WORLD on the INTERNET videos of you doing it (possibly by force too might I add, see mini Shakira at 1:52 as reference point) there is possibly some kind of problem?

what I know now that I did not know before

How cufflinks work

It's pretty strange to think that for so long I only had a very vague idea about how and what cufflinks were or what the fuck to do with them. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, knowing how cufflinks work really won't inhibit my development or render me any less or more boring than I may be already. Cufflinks do not feature heavily in my life - obviously because up until now I did not really know how they functioned or what use they could be to me. But the fact that I've been 'ok' not knowing - and for so long not even considering or attempting to find the answer makes me think about all the other things I don't know but never bother trying to find answers to. Anyway back to the links of the cuffs - I always knew they had something to do with the cuffs of shirts - no shit - but was always was baffled as to what the point was when shirts came with buttons. I mean did you un-sew the buttons or something I remember thinking to myself. I used to think about cufflinks and their purpose quite a bit, especially when my friend Munch would buy our mutual friend Manoj some swish silver set of them every birthday. The sickening thing is I NEVER KNEW HOW THEY WORKED - and never sought the truth and this WORRIES ME. Like I really was going to go on not knowing for the rest of my life - and it was only by chance, and not inquisitive investigation
- when my mum gave me a beautiful shirt that had TWO BUTTONHOLES on the cuffs that I finally worked it out.

charlotte and the theatre

kurt

Kurt Vonnegut is pretty much my favourite man-writer. His politics are pretty great and I feel that perhaps Miranda July has kind of body snatched him, or he her - so he can live forever. Possibly not but they both remind me of the other and I cannot choose my favourite.